The Siren's Call
A Poem About the Dangerous Beauty of Longing
· Introduction ·
Below you will find my first published poem here on Substack. It was written on Oct 24’ 2023, two years ago when I was freshly in love and between two worlds. My body was itching with longing for my new lover’s touch but, alas, he was far away.
Instead I found myself alone in my situation, one that was slowly revealing itself to be both painful and exploitative. I was still living with my ex-partner in a caravan, on a compound, where we hosted psychedelic ceremonies, with a community of others. Finding true love exposed the horror of my life so far and as I looked into the depth of my soul, for the first time, I felt there was someone who could be there, with me through the anguish.
As I felt the distance to my love, I felt the pain of my past. In that vulnerability, I decided to write him a poem. I sent it over WhatsApp and the rest became history.
THE SIREN’S CALL
To anyone that can hear me, A fevered moment lost. The forgetfulness that plagues me, Obscures my soul amassed. Swallow a bit from tender flesh, Tell me it tastes delicious. Auction this body for all it's worth, Perhaps a dime is precious. My throat can be compromised, Control how it can speak. Noticing is a dangerous game, Are you allowed to see? What happens if I am not observed? What happens if I am? The risk of losing everything, Lusting for all to end Are we here to make anew The fun of the fucking game? For now, it can be justified To trust, I'll look after you.
· Author’s Note ·
When writing the last stanza I found myself in a conundrum. Originally, it read:
“For now, it can be justified, To thrust me through and through”
When reading it back I changed it back then. I did so because I felt that I had finally found a hope in my life that had not been there before. The line ‘to thrust me through and through’, was an accurate description of what I felt in the moment of writing it. I felt as though I was being annihilated, that I was ever going to be an offering to be used and consumed.
My initial sentiment was to offer my new partner, the person in whom I had finally found a perfect love, my body, soul, and heart to be consumed. There was no consideration that there could be another way to relate. At the time this was all subconscious of course. But upon reading it over some time after writing it, something did not feel correct.
I changed the line to reflect my hope and faith in this new love. To express my trust in him, and in us. To communicate a tenderness that I am worth more, and that our love was the gateway towards a healing no amount of psychedelics or psychology could rival.
That being so, I wanted to honour that part of me that was ready to offer herself up to the man she loved. The first movement towards sacrificial love that has matured gracefully over the time we have spent together and continues to grow between us.
Do you know the feeling
of being trapped in a situation
you know is not meant for you?
Do you know the deep longing
for being seen and loved
for who you truly are?
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Elsewhere in The Province of the Mind:
I know the feeling of being seen and loved for who I am. I wasn't sure how to respond at first, at first I pulled back. But now I'm married to that person. :)
His love changed my life, and continues to change me for the better. Love is a powerful force that doesn't make sense when first encountered. Yet it's beauty and power of inspiration draws us slowly into it's orbit...