The Edge of Surrender
A Poem About Trust, Doubt, And Falling Into Faith
· Introduction ·
Below you will find a poem that was written at a time when my relationship with Jesus was blossoming and my mind was fighting the surrender process. During this time, it seemed as though the life I knew was falling apart and my sense of self was disintegrating.
As this process was unfolding, I began to gain a perspective outside of the fray. I could see the battle between my mind and my soul. The former was skeptical, afraid, and seeking security. The latter was ready to jump into the abyss and feel what it is like to be held completely.
In the end, love was what pushed me over the cliff. I let go of what was and trusted that what is, is good.
THE EDGE OF SURRENDER
I trust, I trust in nothing As my thoughts arise. I need proof of something, Give me desired prize. God, who are you really? Where am I, the happy child? I wander through life freely, Taking calm with wild. My soul yearns for peace, To be just me in love. Come give me this release, I cry to God above. What is left now for me If I cannot feel you there? I sink with thinking fully, This life just had no spare. Close to oblivion, I finally have a choice. What is my submission? Both life and death rejoice.
Where in your own life
have you felt the tension
between surrender and control
most clearly?
Have you ever felt
that a crisis or “breaking point”
led you to a deeper form
of clarity or identity?
Leave a comment below to start a conversation!
If you enjoyed the read, leave a like.
It makes posting poetry less scary,
and it brings a smile to my face.
You want to read more of our work?
Subscribe to The Province of the Mind.
Elsewhere in The Province of the Mind:
I'm glad to see you have returned, your absence on substack was noticed.
I too have been learning over the last several years that there are two paths:
The path of control which is also legalism and manipulation,
or the path of love, which is relational at it's core.
I have been learning that areas where we seek control often indicate a lack of trust. For example, if I find myself hoarding with an overly stocked pantry, it indicates that I do not trust I will be provided for. That lack of trust could be with God as my provider, myself and my ability to meet my needs or relationally with my husband.
If I am traveling and feel the urge to "pack the kitchen sink" this also indicates that I do not trust the places we are staying to have the accommodations I need, or perhaps if we are staying with friends, I likewise do not trust the host to care for me in the ways I need. There is of course a balance, times where it is appropriate to take care of our own needs and pack what we need to do so. But when thing begin to feel out of balance or more like a compulsion than simple preparedness, that's when it may suggest the need to look deeper, and ask in what new ways we may need to learn to have faith.